Trans Day of Remembrance

Another Day? What is Transgender Day of Remembrance anyway?

A Quick Explanation

Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) was founded in 1999 by transgender activist Gwendolyn Ann Smith to honor the memory of Rita Hester. Rita was a transgender woman murdered in 1998. Since then, TDOR has grown into an international day of mourning and activism.

TDOR serves as a reminder of the ongoing struggles and violence faced by transgender individuals and the need for a more inclusive and accepting society.

Not only is this a day to remember, and acknowledge and mourn those transgender individuals who lost their lives in the past year to violence against them, but also to remember the ongoing struggles and increased mental health concerns, that result in death by suicide, that they face.

Transgender Day of Remembrance is a time for reflection for me. I reflect on how far the community has come, but also how much further it has to fight for acceptance. This day is a time to reflect on my trans brothers and sisters around the world and their individual struggles where they live. It is also a time to reflect on my own journey, my own life, and how I could easily be on this list of names.

My Story

I came out to myself in September 2017. I came out publicly in January 2018. My journey as a transgender person navigating the world and transition is relatively recent, but the struggles of identity go further back. The struggles since coming out are different but not always easier.

Prior to coming out and realizing my true identity, I did not realize I was transgender. For decades I had conflicting thoughts about who I was and my own sexuality. I fought this in secret and silence for years, was ashamed of myself, missteps and secretly hated myself for that. More than once, I felt life would be easier simply not being on the planet. When I realized I was transgender and began coming out to myself, I faced the added fear of coming out in a small town, one where I have lived most of my life. I knew who I was, but would my family and community accept me? Would it be easier to leave and start fresh elsewhere? No. I couldn’t abandon my kids, family and friends. But could I live with myself if I were rejected?

My Name is Dee

Coming out was actually easier and much more accepting than I had ever imagined and I am grateful for that. Not everyone has the same experience. As I embraced my new identity, and became involved in the trans community and local 2SLGBTQIA community  organizations and events, I learned that not everyone has had a journey that was as easy as mine. Some live daily in fear of violence, some have been rejected by friends, family and work, and had to  relocate and create a new life, and some became homeless, or died by suicide.

My First TDOR

My first Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil was a cold November night in 2019, a small vigil held in downtown Penticton, BC with about 15 people attending. I began to realize how important acceptance and inclusion was then and how lucky I was to have that. I was lucky to have attended that vigil prior to the pandemic and restrictions on gatherings, for my next TDOR gathering would not be until 2022.

Since then I have been able to experience both great highs and also deep lows. The pandemic left me isolated, just as I was emerging from my chrysalis and I was forced back indoors with no one to share my transformative journey with. On April 23, 2020, my thoughts of leaving this world became very real and overwhelming. Thankfully friends came to stay with me that night. I can only hope that everyone, trans or cis has friends that will do the same.

Our Responsibility

Transgender people often deal with so much more than I have, with fewer resources and support to get through it. One could say we are all neurodivergent, we have dysphoria, increased anxiety and depression, all while we are struggling with acceptance, bigotry, and transphobia. Transgender persons struggle weekly, if not daily, with actual violence and/or the perceived threat of violence. We have experienced a world that is learning more and more that trans lives exist, but we simultaneously struggle with organizations, people and governments who now want to erase us because we are different. It’s not a shock to me that the list we read has new names every year.

On Transgender Day of Remembrance, we remember all those who have struggled before us and left us far too soon.

We remember those who were or are the brave trailblazers who spoke openly and paved the way for others.

We take this day to remember and think of those who struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY with acceptance of themself, from family, friends and community.

Everyday, we could lose another sibling. I encourage you to join in your community vigils this November 20th and light a candle to honour those lives we’ve lost.